jiggy286's Blog

Hey there, I would like to start out by asking how you've been, it's been a while since we last spoke.

I told everyone I was over you a while ago but I don't know how accurate that is. Your face still makes an appearance in my dreams. I don't really know what to do with myself now that your gone. I always had some sort of goal and such and you always inspired me to follow it. To chase down the dreams in my heart, now I more or less forget to even look for them.

If sometimes I still cry at night I'd like to reassure you that there really is nothing you could do about it, the tears would fall no matter what you said. Not that I think your troubling yourself with thoughts of me but sometimes I like to pretend.

On that note, I also find myself pretending your still around. I imagine the things you would say to me if you were here and console myself with an imaginery intrepretation of your voice.

I am not crazy, just a fool, who fell in love and lost. Sorry if you can hear my telepathic thoughts of you and they keep you up at night. Like creeping tendrils or any such thing.

I suppose I will let you go now, or at least continue trying to.

Sometimes I get so very tired of my life. I think of how much better it would be if I could just up and leave and start again. 

I'm sure I am not the only one who has thought that cutting ties and up and leaving for somewhere new, somewhere exotic, somewhere exciting, would be best.

It is a nice dream to imagine that you could just up and leave all your problems behind and find a place to begin again, perhaps a new person, perhaps an upgraded version of yourself, or maybe just the same old you in a different situation.

Life can get us all down, we got fired, we had a fight with a loved one, we lost a loved one, we're just having a bad day, there are a lot of reasons to feel depressed some days. What I have noticed though are there are lots of little reasons to find joy in your life that we sometimes overlook being so absorbed in feeling bad. The beauty that surrounds us, a good song on the radio, unintentionally matching our clothes.

So yes sometimes life can be a drag and we can wish and dream about leaving it for a new one, but then we have to stop and realize that our life is already pretty damn good.

I am so very tired of people who are disrespectful. I have recently had an email conversation with someone from this site who shall remain nameless which bothered me very much.

First off the person went into a pro choice forum and wrote an incredibly pro life experience which I have no problem with let it be known. What I do have a problem with is people who go into groups and oppose their views and get angry when someone challenges them. In my belief if you cant take opposition then maybe you should stick to the forums where people agree with you.

Upon finding the story written by this person I phrased what I believe to be a respectful argument to their position calmly stating that I respect their right to a differing opinion than mine as my belief is every individual is allowed to make person choices in beliefs and ideals and I have no right to tell them otherwise.

Expecting a good debate (which I support, it is healthy to argue positions now and then) I was surprised to find an email from the person instead. "Well enough" I thought a private debate it shall be. I responded respectfully again to this person even though their email had been semi rude in refusing my beliefs and waited for the response.

I was shocked when the next one came calling me ignorant and disrespectful simply because I had taken the opposite side of the argument. The person then dragged my other beliefs into question and condemned me for them. Calling me ignorant and closed minded. Throughout the entire email conversation I had stated time and time again that I respected this person's right to believe what they did and respected them for it. Never once did I insult their beliefs and yet they responded in anger.

In conclusion I feel as though they are the close minded one, who refuses to at least respect an individuals right to choose what to believe in. And to me they seem the ignorant one believing their argument the only right way to think.

Loneliness always seems the worst at night. Maybe its laying in bed in the dark and realising that even if someone lays beside they may not necessairly be in your heart. It's hard once you've let somone in completely to have them walk away and be able to let another in. I for one don't believe that anyone can completely fill the hole left in your heart when someone leaves you for good. Sure people come and go and sure you'll find another person you can love, another person you can trust but they can never completely be what the first person was to you. They create a whole new niche in your heart to occupy and at best can make you forget the first one ever existed.

There must have been a time once, when I believed in something, but now I look around me and find nothing worth putting that kind of hope behind. Maybe there is love, maybe there is happiness and maybe there is hope for something better. Somehow though I doubt this, maybe I have just been let down by the things I chose to believe in, maybe i just make poor decisions, good thing I didn't invest in stocks.